I totally forgot about my google photo album... hmmm continue posting or just leave the pictures in the album?

Hard

I think this is harder for me than anything. I do not know how to dexcribe things but I guess I would say I was blindsighted. I do not know how to deal with this.

This is Fitz when he arrived at my house..

Cut out again

Another shot since I was making her squirm.

I guess I was cut out for a reason.

Kristyne and I at the gardens.

I never knew this existed.

Brian and his Family
We where at the Undergournd. Kristyne is in the backgroundsneezing..
What a photographer.

A collage made by Kristyne about me

I do not know who still has this address or who reads this anymore but I am about to mass post all the pictures that was given to me on here in case something happens. I am worried about losing the pictures and since I have not bought a computer myself I am going to mass post all my photos on here. Also I am making changes in my life and this might fall under the changes that need to happen.

What to do..

I do not know where my life is going right now, nor do I really care anymore. I really do not understand things sometimes but I guess things are better left unexplained and left alone. We all have our quest for answers and information. Sometimes we like what we hear other times we cannot accept the truth. I have so much going on in my life right now I am unsure what to cancel and what to go through with. I do knot this though. I hate being home now.
When someone sticks by you through everything..


There is no use in writing here about this.
I burned bridges that I never should have because of someone. I stayed in GA for something that is no longer there.

I think I need help. I really do. There has to be a screw loose in my head or something wrong. I dunno but things are not right with me, and they have not been for a while now. I think I am going to add to the change that was put on me this weekend by forcing in more changes. I am no longer needed or wanted so there is no reason to be where I am at. I need to really look closely at my life and my situation and see if this is where I should be. I thought it was but I guess not anymore. I do know this though. I need to put this done here more often because I have been slacking a lot lately. I have been so consumed with myself that I have fallen of the path where I wanted to be.

I am so confused right now and left with so many unanswered questions I will have to seek out and make up my own answers. That is the only thing I know to do now.

Extreme home makeover.. Home edition.

I get all excited......

Damn re-run...

Wonder if ABC is happy about Ty's DUI and drug possession charge?

Love

I hate it and everything about it...
I hate the way it makes you feel..
I hate the emptiness you have when you no longer have it..
I hate the pain it gives you when you have it...
I hate the work that you have to put into it...
I hate the person you are you your in it..

Basically.. I at everything right now...
I am going to be bitter for a while...
Maybe it is just becasue I am drunk adn alcohol is a depressant...








Emptiness...
I will get over it and move o n like I have done time and time again in the past..
No worries..

I am better off alone anyways.

Hmm

As I sit trapped in my house peering out the windows things never cease to amaze me. They are shooting a RAP video in the front of my house. The whole street is closed down and everything. Some young "buck" all of about 13 is rapping and riding his bike with his posse. I was up this morning at 4am cause I could not sleep and started doing things round the house. When daylight came I showered and got ready and took the dog for his cut. He was getting a little shaggy... When I came home from dropping him off I started the chores around the house and yard.
Came in for my daily nap and woke up to about 80 people on my front porch and camped out in front of my house.

Ok cool... at first..

My driveway was blocked and I had to pickup the dog. When I pulled out of my driveway EVERYONE started just staring. Now ok...
Come back with the dog and they will not let me on my own street. WTF!!!

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!!

Last time I checked that is my house and my monthly burden to pay. Not your for some stupid kids video. I was thoroughly pissed now. Still camped out on my porch and in front of my house.

Te weekends I am here I like to work in my yard and let my dogs out with me. There is no reason why I and my dogs have to suffer because of some stupid ass video crap. Oh well I made it clear along with ALL of my neighbors who where put out that we where not happy about them camping in front of our place.

I never take time to sit and write about anything more. I am constantly just going and working. I live a depressed life.

I think I am going to do something I have never done here in Atlanta. I am going to go to a bar by myself tonight. I have nothing else to do tonight or in the morning. I am going do things right though. I just need an escape right now. I need to have a change. I was torn about staying here in Atlanta for a couple of reasons, but like before I need to learn to look out for just myself. If I cannot please myself I will never be able to make anyone else happy. I loathe solitude. I have come to find that out. I need stimulus I need action something going on.

Well there are things going on in my life right now that I will discuss at a later time but as for right now this is not the time nor the place.

Wilford Brimley's DIABETES DANCE MIX

Love it... Maybe this time it will let me embed it.

Pay Time

I rarely like to throw things back in people's face..


What am I talking about... When I know I am right I stand by my opinion and choices whole heatedly. Sometimes of course I get burned... But, of course when I accomplish something that feeling in the past of failure has just all faded away.

Appraisal on the house today.. Going to see what I can go to the bank with...
I am so very close to having my debt reduction goals completed. Except my car... But, who could blame me for buying such a hot car....

Went to court Wednesday. Not fun. Pleaded not guilty and have another court date. Lovely. Prolonging it even more.
I have to go back in July 30th. The officer has to prove that I was doing what he wrote me the ticket for.

Looks like I will be closing on the house on Monday. I am excited. I am going to get everything I wanted out of this refi and even have a lower payment. I am totally excited. I am going to get a fence and get that retaining wall built ASAP. Looking into the home theatre system as well that way I can get this HUGE ass TV out of here.

Life is looking real good for me right now. Only complaint I can think of................. Well.. I cannot think of any.

For all the people in my past that hurt me... hope your happy... I know that I am now. For everyone that saw me struggle through my life... I do not have to do that anymore. I have become very fortunate in my life to where I am not needing to struggle. I can afford things I want. If I go out and see something I want to buy.. I buy it.. No longer worrying about the money troubles that plague most Americans..

This luxury has come at a high cost though..

I am away from my family. Moved here to help someone else out. Seems like that is all they wanted me for. I work enough for two people therefore I do not have time to go out and really meet new people and socialize. Not like I need to because I have a great network of friends now through work, but something I just used to do ya know?

It really feels good to have money in the bank and a fall back fund. I just hope that life keeps looking up from here because it seems I have not reach the highest point yet.
I still want kids..

Diabetes video ReMix

To funny...

Moment of clarity...

I am sure we have all had them. Just in rare cases they come and go. The moments when everything in your life becomes clear, crystal.

On my daily commute I drive through the HEART of Atlanta. I live within 5 mins where every major interstate intersects in teh heart of Atlanta, I-75/I-85/I-20. These three merge and cause a good amount of mess during the crunch times of the day. Not always but for the most part I hit t least one traffic jam a day.

Today I left as usual and slid myself right into the daily grind of traffic on the way in. It happened right then, my moment of clarity. I had just got behind a box truck, or a big U-haul like truck and it seemed like I noticed every grain of dirt on the truck, things came into focus, literally. All my senses where hightened an Thoughts just poured into my head like they had been trapped and pent up forever.

I had a bed dream today.. Another car accident. The dream was in color again, and it was in the morning drive... This time a truck hauling a trailer lost it's load right in front of me and I had no where to go... I woke up suddenly this time though.. No seeing myself decapitated. I think I am having signs that things need to change but greed and need has got a hold of me something good...
Well.. I got to go..

Weekend.

I was put in handcuffs this weekend and not the way your thinking about. Not a very good weekend for me as I was handcuffed on the trunk of my car becasue of some asshole cop trying to be a badass. Not fun. Going to jail.. or the threat of it was not fun either.

Inclusion and Exclusion Criteria - Diabetes Institute for Immunology and Transplantation

Inclusion and Exclusion Criteria - Diabetes Institute for Immunology and Transplantation


Latest news on this. Of course I tend to have an extreme interst in this. But, nonetheless I want to have children. Takes me out of the equation right off the bat.

Why...

The question of the recent killings a VT is why.. Let's look at the reason why today's violence is so aparent. This is nothing new here, there have been previous college murders. This is not a new issue or topic, just more prevalent in a substance comatose world we live in now. We are a more global instant society that blends and melds together more so now than ever. People not only have problems in their country, but today they immigrate to the country of immigrants.

Cho was a resident alien. Yet, he was affordaded the rights of our constitution. It seems the news media has kind of overlooked this small little tid bit of information, choosing instead to cover other items of detail. The person came to America with his family as an 8 year old. His sister went to Princeton. She is now a graduate of that prestigeous school. A resident alien. I personally know someone who went to VT. Due to the great cost of tuition they could no longer attned the school. How is it a resident alien is able to pay and go to this school, while his sister went to Princeton? Just going off the little information about his past life he came from a poor family in South Korea. The family immigrated to the US to have a better life. ALong with the better life that immigrants bring to this country comes the troubles and issues of their culture and personal issues. Now, I am in no way bashing the immigration to this country, we are all here from other places. I am German, Polish, Irish, Indian and other cultures making me a hodgepodge of countries and places.

What is most troubling is that this residnet alien. Immigrant that I guess tried to become an American citizen, had the same rights and abilities of as a real citizen of this country. The person was able to have the right to bear arms. They where afforded ALL the SAME damn rights that my family and families before me have had to pay for. Pay for with their lives in war and peace time by serving our country. This family came and enrolled their children in some of the most prestigeous schools in our society today. The had the ability to speak and write freely and put up warning signs to EVERYONE around them. Even being arrested and detained in a mental health institution for a short time for instability in their own mind. How is it these people are allowed to do this? Non-naturalized citizens, not even given citizenship into this country come in and perform this attrocity.

Not only did this happen to us but maybe we nutured this hatered. In our materialistic society Cho has definately expressed hate and despise for people who "drive your Mercedes and wear your gold from your neck", this has been nutured and driven this person to hate everyone who has been afforded these luxuries in life. I know at eight years old that you can remember and think about what thoughts you had when you where that age. Coming from a poor situation immigrating to this country his family trying to have better, knowing that there is better out there and going to find it. They have harbored a killer in their midst nuturing and giving this child a support system. Not only did they give him a support system and send him to college but we as Americans nutured this poor soul, helping him along and festuring this person.

Now you may agree, disagree, or agree to disagree if that makes ANY sense WHATSOEVER. But, the fact of the matter is that we as Americans opened our arms to them and gave a place to become hopefully better people. I am also in no way of trying to put blame on the parents of this MAN as he was 23 years old. Able to make his own cognitive choices and descions. As a want to be parent I am terrified but what I could raise in today's world of connections.

Now more than ever people are catered to in advertising, enticed by flashy exspense material things, and objects to obsess over. I am sure that coming from a democratic S. Korea was still a cultrue shock for this child and his parents. More so that past generations where able to adapt, but it seems that this individual was not able to. He reference's the Columbine murders referring them to martyrs. What religion did they give their life up for? What beliefs did they have that where so strong they wanted to inflict pain and suffering on not only the people's families that they killed, but the thousands of other people that will now live in fear. Never being able to fully know the other person sitting across the room or classroom from them.

In a country that is full of diversity AND divisions this could also be a setback. Let's think about some things here.People already stick together and it is taboo in some places to cross that invisible border that is setup. Yes, this is the country of the free, politically correct speech, but even as recent events we are still a country racially divided. We still set people apart from everyone else. We are no where near the utopia that was once most likely envisioned by our fore fathers of our country. I witness racial segregation everyday, by people speaking to others in their language, by people having certain friends, most of all by us closing of our minds to anything that we do not know about.

There are parts of Atlanta that only have Spanish signs, Korean signs, Thai signs, where is the unification of being an American in that? Where is the coming together as a country by setting yourself up for only one type of customer, the one that speaks only your language? Was this family segregating itself? Most likely not, but... and a HUGE but...

To be continued and edited for spelling and grammer.

The small things in life...

It is so funny my daily ritual coming into work.
I always pass this little toyota Celica that is two tone.. White with blue accents all over it, totally Mexican.
Everytime I pass it I smile. No particular reason just because for some reason it makes me happy. I see this little spanish person driving it and he has a smile on his face so I guess it just forces a smile on mine.

I have been in contact with the other side of me this past couple of weeks. It is really interesting to hear from them... Almost, surreal.

Boating season is coming rapidly u[pon us. I am excited. I have been helping B get the ship ready for a long summer of hard partying. I am looking forward to it.

Well. I really do not have much to say which is very unusual. I actually just finished reading and going through my blog. It has been posted here now for almost three years and it amazes me how fast time is flying by. I am not sure how many people read it or check it, but it is open for anyone who wants to read it. I do not hide or keep myself back from anyone.
If I piss you off.. Well I am sorry, these are my thoughts and my point of view on what happens in my life. I have a comment option if you want to disagree. I welcome it.

Easter Celebration

Well, well, well....


Sitting at work Thursday getting ready for the weekend and the list of things I need to do around the house, not even thinking about Easter. A little bird comes to my desk and poses the question of what I was doing for Easter.

I really had not made any plans or had anything cooking. She they asked me to cok. They said "What, is the party at your house?"

I stuttered for a second. They knew about my Thanksgiving dinner and such. So put on the spot and having no clue what I was doing, I said "Sure, come on over." So Thursday evening right before walking out the door, working from home on Friday I was volnteered to host the Easter dinner... No worries I love to cook and by no means am I complaining. But, it was a little short on the notice. I had three months to pull off Thanksgiving dinner. This time I had.... less than two days to pull it off including menu planning, and the acual cooking and preparing the food.

So the word went out and I had about 24 invitees. 17 showed.

The person who volunteered me.... NO SHOW at the event.

If they would have just kept their mouth shut.. HAAHAH

No but I do love hosting and cooking and the whole preparation of everything. I went Grocery shopping Friday, started baking Saturday morning, and finished cooking Sunday morning all day.

Pictures you say?

None

Yes that is right... NONE.

Invitations go out and it is stated dinner is SERVED @ 4pm.

That means get there like 30 mins before hand setup have a few drinks eat some snacks..

Well, didi not happen that way. Call Saturday, to the DR. and ask him to help me get some tables and chairs, considering I do not have a dinner table big enough for 20+ people, he agrees and tells me to call him in the morning. A local church that I have baked for and donated various cooking goods said that I could get the tables and chairs to have a seat for everyone at the house.

Well.... 4 rolls around.. still no tables and chairs but all the food is ready and cooked. PLus I have two guests their that have no place to sit and enjoy their beverages. I give them the tour and introduce them to the dogs and wait for the tables.

Talbes and people arrive, setup and begin dinner.

Everyone had a good time and I pulled of a party for 20 people in less than two days notice.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh deep exhale...

Everyone kept telling me that I should get into the catering business because of the way I present the food and plan everything out. Not so mych for me... To much involved in that.

I would need partners and employees and a place to cook cause my kitchen and stove will only cook for about 30 people.. After that I am out of space. 30 is pushing it now.. Ohh well. I neglected a ton of emails this weekend and have to cath up on that. I best get back to that.

Have a good one.

Picasa Web Albums - Christopher

Picasa Web Albums - Christopher


This is a link to photos taken since I have been here in the ATL.