There was no hatred!! Current mood: determined
I was not spilling hatred or anything.. I can just rememeber things that pepole have said to me that made me want to do the things I have. I used to be really down on myself..
During the time that BB and I where going through it and I was having major health issues.. I mean I was really downing myself not thinking I was good enough for a lot of things.. Now, people I do not even know are like woah... "It is nice to see what you have done for yourself and what you have planned for." I mean I know that all these "things" cannot bring me happiness. I know that I am not "succesful" with all these things.. I can just afford to have these toys and still carry on with my life.
I am NOT being morbid.. But, the truth is I am not going to be around forever and I cannot take these things with me.. I just want to have fun with them while I can.. and I can afford it.. I was not trying to be cocky with my last post whatsoever... BUT and a BIG BUT I have tried so hard in life to do nothing but get ahead from paycheck to pay check.. and now that I am there I feel good like I accomplised something... So I am going to TOOT my horn for a minute cause I know with the cycle of lief it will not last forever... I can have everything going so right and still be depressed..
Anyways.. I gots to go to bed..

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006