Time does get you..
I found out today that my grandfather is having mini strokes. He has suffered a few so far and they are so minute that he almost does not know that he has had them. This coming from a man who has been to the doctor about 15 times his whole life. He has always been healthy as a horse. The future is very unclear due to the fact that if he goes then there will be no one there to take care of my grandmother. Which means nursing home. I will not let that happen no matter what. I will literally sell everything I own and start all over if I have to. I have been shaken up about this but I am keeping my mouth shut about it. Only the myspace community of my firends who read my blog will know.
I cannot see my grandmother in a home, nor my grandfather. I will not let that happen and I do not think the rest of the family will either. Well, it is not the first time that we get bad news. But, the family, and I tend to just roll with it and live everyday we can with them. I knew there was a time and place for them to leave my life, but I am not ready for this just yet.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
If I was not busy enough
I have a big choice to make.
These next few days are going to be pretty let's say... hard to choose. I have a lot of things lined up since I was not in town last week.
I have a job interview at oddly enough 4 tomorrow or so. That was a reschedule from Monday.
I am so busy still unpacking I have yet to even bring in my clothes from my trip to Memphis.
I just need to keep my bags packed because I am probaly going to be off again to Orangeburg, SC and Raleigh, NC.
Long weeks with little time to myself to enjoy my house and settle things in. I have to take a few more pictures.
Ohh well.. No sleep today.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I have a big choice to make.
These next few days are going to be pretty let's say... hard to choose. I have a lot of things lined up since I was not in town last week.
I have a job interview at oddly enough 4 tomorrow or so. That was a reschedule from Monday.
I am so busy still unpacking I have yet to even bring in my clothes from my trip to Memphis.
I just need to keep my bags packed because I am probaly going to be off again to Orangeburg, SC and Raleigh, NC.
Long weeks with little time to myself to enjoy my house and settle things in. I have to take a few more pictures.
Ohh well.. No sleep today.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Saturday, March 11, 2006
So much drama.. Some people have some real balls. Others are cowards. Me included. To much to really go into right now. I will be going away for a week for work in Memphis. I will be staying pretty close to Tunica and I plan on going down to play at least one night I am there. Most likely though I will jus stay in my hotel room and work/sleep.
I have lots to still unpack around the house and I have a party to still clean up. Gotta go. Glad I am going to be gone for a week.
I think though I am not going back to my second job. I am to tired all the time and there is to much drama going on there right now and I am in the middle and it surrounds me.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
I have lots to still unpack around the house and I have a party to still clean up. Gotta go. Glad I am going to be gone for a week.
I think though I am not going back to my second job. I am to tired all the time and there is to much drama going on there right now and I am in the middle and it surrounds me.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
What a weird three days..
So the past week has been a little shall we say... packed.
It started Monday and has not stopped since then. I have not had much sleep at all and on top of that I have had a wonderful good time. I have helped people in my past present but do not see anything in the future.
Sounds weird but it would make sense if you where inside my head.
I got a call Tuesday night/Wednesday morning while sitting here at my desk. BB called and asked if I could take her to the Emergency room because she is having complications with things. Of course I dropped what I was doing and left to go and take her. I sat with her all morning long until they discharged her and took her back home. The surgery was yesterday at 10Am. Things went well and she is already back up and running on her own. Tough little gal she is.
So after I left the hospital I went home and got some much needed sleep.. For all of 2 hours. Wednesday everyone and there brother was coming over to first tailgate for the ATL THRASHERS game.
Mattie was coming in from Indy, and about 8 people from work was coming over to have a wonderful night full of beer drinking and pizza eating. Although I am NOT a beer drinker I had a good time. I had a cosmo at the game and watched all the other drunk fools slur their speach and have a good time.
I get back to the house with the crowd in tow and they stay the night. I head off to work around ehhh Midnight or so. Work all night while those fools sleep and then go home and wake them up. Lay my head down on my pillow for about ohhh an hour or so and getup and do it again.
You know I do not think people realize what I do.
When people ask me to do things they think that "Hey, he just works nights.. right" Yeah I "JUST" work nights while you sleep all night long and I work my ass off then I work during the day and you expect me to be on the same level as you.. or go "hang out" with you..
Come on give me a fucking break I mean I am always tired for a reason I want my sleep and I want my personal time.
People sometimes just look at what they are not getting instead of what they are getting. Everything is a give and take situation.. right? You always will have to give something to get something. So I mean I give up my SLEEPING time to go spend time with people and I get put myself BEHINd in my personal life. do people ever consider that? I mean do people ever consider what I am giving up to be awake for them?
That right there just gets my blood pressure boiling.
Anyways.. back to the topic as I got a little sidetracked. I left the house after getting a little sleep and went to the hospital to see BB before her operation. I got there just in time. I was not in there more than like 5 mins and they came in and gace her the meds to put her under. I said my goodbyes and left. Headed off to work. Then I go tlost on my way to work because I got off at the wrong exit on one of the many ones that you can choose from on the dreaded GA-400.
Worked half asleep there for a while until I literally ran out of steam and went home a little early so that I could get a little rest before today. Now, I have to route 6 out of 9 facilities and also go and get the last load out of my apartment so that I can turn in the keys. Pickup my cat and my fish tank and my light fixture and be done with the place.
It started Monday and has not stopped since then. I have not had much sleep at all and on top of that I have had a wonderful good time. I have helped people in my past present but do not see anything in the future.
Sounds weird but it would make sense if you where inside my head.
I got a call Tuesday night/Wednesday morning while sitting here at my desk. BB called and asked if I could take her to the Emergency room because she is having complications with things. Of course I dropped what I was doing and left to go and take her. I sat with her all morning long until they discharged her and took her back home. The surgery was yesterday at 10Am. Things went well and she is already back up and running on her own. Tough little gal she is.
So after I left the hospital I went home and got some much needed sleep.. For all of 2 hours. Wednesday everyone and there brother was coming over to first tailgate for the ATL THRASHERS game.
Mattie was coming in from Indy, and about 8 people from work was coming over to have a wonderful night full of beer drinking and pizza eating. Although I am NOT a beer drinker I had a good time. I had a cosmo at the game and watched all the other drunk fools slur their speach and have a good time.
I get back to the house with the crowd in tow and they stay the night. I head off to work around ehhh Midnight or so. Work all night while those fools sleep and then go home and wake them up. Lay my head down on my pillow for about ohhh an hour or so and getup and do it again.
You know I do not think people realize what I do.
When people ask me to do things they think that "Hey, he just works nights.. right" Yeah I "JUST" work nights while you sleep all night long and I work my ass off then I work during the day and you expect me to be on the same level as you.. or go "hang out" with you..
Come on give me a fucking break I mean I am always tired for a reason I want my sleep and I want my personal time.
People sometimes just look at what they are not getting instead of what they are getting. Everything is a give and take situation.. right? You always will have to give something to get something. So I mean I give up my SLEEPING time to go spend time with people and I get put myself BEHINd in my personal life. do people ever consider that? I mean do people ever consider what I am giving up to be awake for them?
That right there just gets my blood pressure boiling.
Anyways.. back to the topic as I got a little sidetracked. I left the house after getting a little sleep and went to the hospital to see BB before her operation. I got there just in time. I was not in there more than like 5 mins and they came in and gace her the meds to put her under. I said my goodbyes and left. Headed off to work. Then I go tlost on my way to work because I got off at the wrong exit on one of the many ones that you can choose from on the dreaded GA-400.
Worked half asleep there for a while until I literally ran out of steam and went home a little early so that I could get a little rest before today. Now, I have to route 6 out of 9 facilities and also go and get the last load out of my apartment so that I can turn in the keys. Pickup my cat and my fish tank and my light fixture and be done with the place.
Thursday, March 9, 2006
Fwd: Delivery Status Notification (Failure)
Subject: Up and coming
This is something that I am going to share with everyone I know. This will make your day, you'll feel much closer to heavan and totally be thankful that you actually have some reserve. First, let me tell you about what I am sending you. This is a show on the local Cable access channel UCTV in Cleveland, Tennessee. This is a Saturday event and they are live shows, pretty regularly. Enclosed is a picture of the bluegrass/gospel/rap/hip hop two person band. Also is two sound clips that they have availiable for download from there web site.
Take a second, (be prepared to laugh), and check out this up and coming superstar show.
Remember, this is some orginal songs.
Please have a great laugh with this.
Some of the songs will be hard to listen to.
http://www.webspawner.com/users/revphili/
http://www.sonicbids.com/epk/epk.asp?epk_id=50061
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
I am sitting here in my new house.. Sitting just unpacking still realizing that my dream and hopes of becoming a home owner has come true. I know I have not posted in a while but I really actually miss posting and venting my feelings. For a few weeks there I barely had enough time to keep myself sane but lately things are calming back down.
I have a lot of little pet projects going on in and around the house that suck up a lot of money and time. But the biggest hurdles of getting into the house have been cleared.
Unpacking and packing sucks. For sure next time I move I will have movers. I said that last time but I wanted money for other things then having someone come in and move me.
Next time I move I will have a nice profit n the bank from the selling of this house. :) FOR SURE.
Just checking the real estate in the area my house has appreciated beyond belief. Right now with 45g in equity to draw from if need be. The only thing I can look forward to is the tax bill going higher and higher.
I have been blasting my music now since I started moving in.
Everything is coming together.
I am a hard worker and deserve what I have.
I would be no where if it where not for my neighbor SS.
She has helped me so much in finding this house and re-locating to this area.
Well I have to start posting the pictures now as I promised.
BB and I are communicating on a pretty regular basis now. I am so happy and glad to have her back in my life. I know this blog has basically been about her and the carp we went through.. But heck if we did not go through that crap neither one of us would have learned what we had in each other. Neither of us would have really realized what kind of people we both are. I cuold never thank you enough BB.
It will be hard to ever find another person like you.
She has helped me beyond belief and everyday there are things that I currently do in my life that I can attribute to her. So with that being said I have to start posting the pics. Well transfer them first to the computer.. That will take me a while. But nonetheless here goes.
I have a lot of little pet projects going on in and around the house that suck up a lot of money and time. But the biggest hurdles of getting into the house have been cleared.
Unpacking and packing sucks. For sure next time I move I will have movers. I said that last time but I wanted money for other things then having someone come in and move me.
Next time I move I will have a nice profit n the bank from the selling of this house. :) FOR SURE.
Just checking the real estate in the area my house has appreciated beyond belief. Right now with 45g in equity to draw from if need be. The only thing I can look forward to is the tax bill going higher and higher.
I have been blasting my music now since I started moving in.
Everything is coming together.
I am a hard worker and deserve what I have.
I would be no where if it where not for my neighbor SS.
She has helped me so much in finding this house and re-locating to this area.
Well I have to start posting the pictures now as I promised.
BB and I are communicating on a pretty regular basis now. I am so happy and glad to have her back in my life. I know this blog has basically been about her and the carp we went through.. But heck if we did not go through that crap neither one of us would have learned what we had in each other. Neither of us would have really realized what kind of people we both are. I cuold never thank you enough BB.
It will be hard to ever find another person like you.
She has helped me beyond belief and everyday there are things that I currently do in my life that I can attribute to her. So with that being said I have to start posting the pics. Well transfer them first to the computer.. That will take me a while. But nonetheless here goes.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Money money money
So as I have been moving into my house this whole week I have found that buying a house is a money pit. It seems like it never stops with the things that you want to do and to add to your house. I mean I got to Home Depot now to see if I can spend money there... I go and think of things that I want to to and I just cannot wait to raise the money to do.
anyways... I will not have internet at my house until the 23rd. go figure Comcast and their STELLAR service that they have. Told me for weeks now that I live in an aparment house. No, I owna free standing single family home NOT A FREAKING APARTMENT!!.. Oh well the city of Atlanta sub-divided our property wrong.
My neighbor and co-worker, SS is getting her fence come this time next week. I am starting this weekend on the little projects around the house. re-installing the dishwasher, starting to finish the basement, things like that. Laying out the ground work for the retaining wall and that jazz.
I have like 8 windows to still buy blinds for, but seeing that I will not be using these rooms I do not intend to rush out and buy these blinds considering they are quite exspensive per window even installing them myself.
I burned my first fire in the fire place this past week.. It was nice.. I need to update with pictures but see it as I am to lazy to upload them I just do not care.
Planning the first party of the house in the coming weeks.
BEER OLYMPICS..
Be it as I hate beer I will be an official of the events that will follow the night.
Went to the local liqour store the other night..
VERY interesting event. I laughed the whole time I was there. Seein as I was the only cream colored person in the area I should have been afraid. But this is MY HOOD.. So until I get shot or killed I will be in a jolly mood.
I put hte word out on the street two day s ago that I needed 2x4's.. They showed up yesterday with 23 of them. I gave them a $20 and said thanks very much for watching out for me. I have a bum that needs to get his fixes so I have no problem with giving him things to happen upon into his possesion. He makes a few calls and comes up with the product pretty easily. any type of building materials that I want, and electronics. So nonetheless I keep him happy I am sure he will keep me happy. The alarm company came yesterday and installed my new alarm. It is pretty securs little house now.
Things are moving right along.
I wish I had time for a relationship but I am tired of getting burned and the only type of relationship that I want is a marriage. I want someone there for me and I want to be there for someone. But, that takes to much work to get to the marriage point right now and I am going to be self absorbed. I am just not a succesful person at relationships. I guess I still find myself less than perfect and need to work on things. I really consider myself damaged goods now because of my illness..
I have never hated my job as I do right now. I cannot explain but just know that I have a few things working on the back burner. Well I need to get ready to leave the office.
anyways... I will not have internet at my house until the 23rd. go figure Comcast and their STELLAR service that they have. Told me for weeks now that I live in an aparment house. No, I owna free standing single family home NOT A FREAKING APARTMENT!!.. Oh well the city of Atlanta sub-divided our property wrong.
My neighbor and co-worker, SS is getting her fence come this time next week. I am starting this weekend on the little projects around the house. re-installing the dishwasher, starting to finish the basement, things like that. Laying out the ground work for the retaining wall and that jazz.
I have like 8 windows to still buy blinds for, but seeing that I will not be using these rooms I do not intend to rush out and buy these blinds considering they are quite exspensive per window even installing them myself.
I burned my first fire in the fire place this past week.. It was nice.. I need to update with pictures but see it as I am to lazy to upload them I just do not care.
Planning the first party of the house in the coming weeks.
BEER OLYMPICS..
Be it as I hate beer I will be an official of the events that will follow the night.
Went to the local liqour store the other night..
VERY interesting event. I laughed the whole time I was there. Seein as I was the only cream colored person in the area I should have been afraid. But this is MY HOOD.. So until I get shot or killed I will be in a jolly mood.
I put hte word out on the street two day s ago that I needed 2x4's.. They showed up yesterday with 23 of them. I gave them a $20 and said thanks very much for watching out for me. I have a bum that needs to get his fixes so I have no problem with giving him things to happen upon into his possesion. He makes a few calls and comes up with the product pretty easily. any type of building materials that I want, and electronics. So nonetheless I keep him happy I am sure he will keep me happy. The alarm company came yesterday and installed my new alarm. It is pretty securs little house now.
Things are moving right along.
I wish I had time for a relationship but I am tired of getting burned and the only type of relationship that I want is a marriage. I want someone there for me and I want to be there for someone. But, that takes to much work to get to the marriage point right now and I am going to be self absorbed. I am just not a succesful person at relationships. I guess I still find myself less than perfect and need to work on things. I really consider myself damaged goods now because of my illness..
I have never hated my job as I do right now. I cannot explain but just know that I have a few things working on the back burner. Well I need to get ready to leave the office.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
What a time...
So it is final. I am a homeowner.
I signed my life away this past Friday at 2 in the afternoon and then went on a wild goose chase for the closing costs of everything.
On a totally different note.
Sometimes in life I guess you think you know where things are going and leading to. Just when you think that you know what happened and why and things are set you look back.
I looked back Friday.
Way back to things.
Before I went to the closing on my house I helped BB move to her new apartment. I cut it close on time but heck She needed help and I was glad to be of assistance to her.
The same day we are both starting new chapters in our lives. Well I bought a house and she moved into a new place.
Now both of us live inside the perimeter, inside the big city that we came here together to better ourselves. Throughout this whole time we have almost always lived within minuets of each other even though this city is so vast and has so many oppurtunities within it. Nothing with her is different, besides her being able to focus her mind and heart on what she wants. It was so wonderful to be able to be back in her life for those brief moments. Just to know that she was ok and somewhat happy. I mean it felt good to see her finally believe in herself. I always knew she had good in her and that somehow it just need to be brought out.
She is such a ball of energy and spunk I am telling you. I would have never thought that this road would lead us back to being able to become friends. I just want to be there for her when she needs someone and help her in her times of need.
I could write all morning about that so I am going to continue..
Before closing I ran into some money issues. I needed a little extra to go to the table for the closing on the house. I was short a grand. I called my mother as the mortage company was coming back explaing about buying points and pre-paying on the mortgage and stuff like that and I called her for help.
The conversation did not go well.
She promptly started yelling and screaming at me while I was literlally on my knees begging for help. I took it like i normaly do and then at the end of the conversation she said... "Good Luck," Knowing full and well that months before she had told me she had well over 40 grand sitting in the bank. It was not like I was asking for her to give me the money.. Ohh no, I was asking to just borrow it at the end of the week. See I got money back at closing. 1,500 bucks from the capret and jazz.. So I would turn right around and give it back to her. I also told her that if she could help me buy points like they thought I might that I would give her a return on her money tripling the interst that any bank would give her. So after that be-littling experience IO hung up, almost in tears for thinkins my dream was slipping away from me... Called my grandmother and bitched about my mother.
Basically the selfish ways of my mother I will never repeat to my children when I do have them. I mean she has helped me somewhat in my life. But the times when I really needed a helping hand she was never there.
Now that the idea of me having diabetes menalitus has wore off she feels that she can go back to treating me like shit. Ohh well..
I Got my house without her help.
FUCK HER and the boat she thought she came over on. When she needs me in life later.. I am going to repeat the words that she told me while she was yelling and screaming, making me feel even worse than I already had., "Good luck", I will repeat those words and let her know not to bother me with the trivial stuff that she is calling me about.
Now onward to budgeting.
Getting paid once a month is not bad. I mean I get a lump sum of money into my account and then I divided it up from there.
Ohh well.. It is time for me to leave work so I am going to run now. Time to go take a nap..
I signed my life away this past Friday at 2 in the afternoon and then went on a wild goose chase for the closing costs of everything.
On a totally different note.
Sometimes in life I guess you think you know where things are going and leading to. Just when you think that you know what happened and why and things are set you look back.
I looked back Friday.
Way back to things.
Before I went to the closing on my house I helped BB move to her new apartment. I cut it close on time but heck She needed help and I was glad to be of assistance to her.
The same day we are both starting new chapters in our lives. Well I bought a house and she moved into a new place.
Now both of us live inside the perimeter, inside the big city that we came here together to better ourselves. Throughout this whole time we have almost always lived within minuets of each other even though this city is so vast and has so many oppurtunities within it. Nothing with her is different, besides her being able to focus her mind and heart on what she wants. It was so wonderful to be able to be back in her life for those brief moments. Just to know that she was ok and somewhat happy. I mean it felt good to see her finally believe in herself. I always knew she had good in her and that somehow it just need to be brought out.
She is such a ball of energy and spunk I am telling you. I would have never thought that this road would lead us back to being able to become friends. I just want to be there for her when she needs someone and help her in her times of need.
I could write all morning about that so I am going to continue..
Before closing I ran into some money issues. I needed a little extra to go to the table for the closing on the house. I was short a grand. I called my mother as the mortage company was coming back explaing about buying points and pre-paying on the mortgage and stuff like that and I called her for help.
The conversation did not go well.
She promptly started yelling and screaming at me while I was literlally on my knees begging for help. I took it like i normaly do and then at the end of the conversation she said... "Good Luck," Knowing full and well that months before she had told me she had well over 40 grand sitting in the bank. It was not like I was asking for her to give me the money.. Ohh no, I was asking to just borrow it at the end of the week. See I got money back at closing. 1,500 bucks from the capret and jazz.. So I would turn right around and give it back to her. I also told her that if she could help me buy points like they thought I might that I would give her a return on her money tripling the interst that any bank would give her. So after that be-littling experience IO hung up, almost in tears for thinkins my dream was slipping away from me... Called my grandmother and bitched about my mother.
Basically the selfish ways of my mother I will never repeat to my children when I do have them. I mean she has helped me somewhat in my life. But the times when I really needed a helping hand she was never there.
Now that the idea of me having diabetes menalitus has wore off she feels that she can go back to treating me like shit. Ohh well..
I Got my house without her help.
FUCK HER and the boat she thought she came over on. When she needs me in life later.. I am going to repeat the words that she told me while she was yelling and screaming, making me feel even worse than I already had., "Good luck", I will repeat those words and let her know not to bother me with the trivial stuff that she is calling me about.
Now onward to budgeting.
Getting paid once a month is not bad. I mean I get a lump sum of money into my account and then I divided it up from there.
Ohh well.. It is time for me to leave work so I am going to run now. Time to go take a nap..
Wednesday, February 8, 2006
Got the OK TO CLOSE just now. Closing date is either Finally Friday or Tuesday.
Payment a month
$1713.
Finallly DONE
have to bring $2100 to the table to close...
Have in my pocket 1100... need to raise a grand before Tuesday.. Guess I am going to be working my ass off for the next days to raise this money. Need to make a grand..
Well a little less than that because I can borrow some money from some friends that owe me a favor.. but nonetheless..
I am almost there...
I was congradulated from the mortage broker just now.. THANK GOD this is almost over...
Payment a month
$1713.
Finallly DONE
have to bring $2100 to the table to close...
Have in my pocket 1100... need to raise a grand before Tuesday.. Guess I am going to be working my ass off for the next days to raise this money. Need to make a grand..
Well a little less than that because I can borrow some money from some friends that owe me a favor.. but nonetheless..
I am almost there...
I was congradulated from the mortage broker just now.. THANK GOD this is almost over...
Sitting on the tuckus again...
This was a email pot that I never finished.. not like it matters now but I will go ahead and throw it up here.
December 28...2004
The day that ultimately changed my life forever. I will always remember this date as another Septemeber 11th.. I will never celebrate this day but instead just hate it.. On this day last year I was sent to the hospital to start the long and tiring journey to find out what the hell was wrong with my body. This is a very personal day for me and this year it has brought me great sorrow..
I stayed at home since Tuesday morning. I have not left the house nor talked to anyone on the phone until tonight. That is when I finally picked up the phone and listened to my voicemails. The many people worried about me.. I mean sometimes it feels good to have people worry about you but on the other hand you just want to be left alone on certain days. Yesterday was one of those days. My boss sent over a co-worker SS after me not showing up at work. I have never done this one.. I do not remmeber even thinking it was time to go to work when my alarm went off. I just woke up took some advil an went right back to sleep. I knew I had a fever I was having nights sweats.. I was not feeling good at all.. So I stayed on the couch for 20 something straight hours. I would get up every 8 hours or so and get something to drink but for the most part I stayed right where I could drift back to sleep. I had a lot of dreams... The ones that I could remember anyways...
But it brings me to this.. A year in review...
January 1st of last year.. Spent it in the arms a someone I would have given the world to...
I watched the peach drop that night after getting out of the hospital.. She drove down to spend the evening in the hospital with me so I would not be alone. Instead.. I picked her up and we went to watch the peach drop..
March we ended our relationship. She was enrolled in school by now and my health was getting worse. I had leveled off a little but was still a skinny little punk.
April I hit rock bottom.. There could have been nothing lower than where I was at. I had been going to the hospital on a regualr basis for tests on my intestinal system and working like mad to try and keep my mind off things. I never got off the couch on my days off and I did not want to do anything besides watch television. I was not alone in my apartment I had a roomate that BB had invited down to try and "get better"... Utterly I was alone in my life... I think this is the time when my doctors had prescribed me with the first of my insulin. I can tell you this I am scared to think at how depressed I was then. No one knew about my depression until months later. I kept things pretty quite about how I was really feeling. I did not discuss what was really going on in my life then. I did not think anyone would care or want to know at the time. I spent most of my time alone and liked it that way. When I was not at work I was at home on my couch.
Around mid April my mother brought my dog down to me to stay. Chocolate lab that was my baby. He kept what little spirits I had up and kept me better company... I started to pick my ass up..
June Things in my life started lookig better. I was working a normal daytime shift with my regular job and my weekend job was getting a little bit more fun.
July to be honest I do not remember much of this month at all.. I cannot even think what I did on the 4th.. Which to me is one of my favorite holidays because I get to shoot off fireworks.. Ahh yes now I remember.. Horrid roomate troubles.. eck.. no wonder why I did not try to remember this month..
August
December 28...2004
The day that ultimately changed my life forever. I will always remember this date as another Septemeber 11th.. I will never celebrate this day but instead just hate it.. On this day last year I was sent to the hospital to start the long and tiring journey to find out what the hell was wrong with my body. This is a very personal day for me and this year it has brought me great sorrow..
I stayed at home since Tuesday morning. I have not left the house nor talked to anyone on the phone until tonight. That is when I finally picked up the phone and listened to my voicemails. The many people worried about me.. I mean sometimes it feels good to have people worry about you but on the other hand you just want to be left alone on certain days. Yesterday was one of those days. My boss sent over a co-worker SS after me not showing up at work. I have never done this one.. I do not remmeber even thinking it was time to go to work when my alarm went off. I just woke up took some advil an went right back to sleep. I knew I had a fever I was having nights sweats.. I was not feeling good at all.. So I stayed on the couch for 20 something straight hours. I would get up every 8 hours or so and get something to drink but for the most part I stayed right where I could drift back to sleep. I had a lot of dreams... The ones that I could remember anyways...
But it brings me to this.. A year in review...
January 1st of last year.. Spent it in the arms a someone I would have given the world to...
I watched the peach drop that night after getting out of the hospital.. She drove down to spend the evening in the hospital with me so I would not be alone. Instead.. I picked her up and we went to watch the peach drop..
March we ended our relationship. She was enrolled in school by now and my health was getting worse. I had leveled off a little but was still a skinny little punk.
April I hit rock bottom.. There could have been nothing lower than where I was at. I had been going to the hospital on a regualr basis for tests on my intestinal system and working like mad to try and keep my mind off things. I never got off the couch on my days off and I did not want to do anything besides watch television. I was not alone in my apartment I had a roomate that BB had invited down to try and "get better"... Utterly I was alone in my life... I think this is the time when my doctors had prescribed me with the first of my insulin. I can tell you this I am scared to think at how depressed I was then. No one knew about my depression until months later. I kept things pretty quite about how I was really feeling. I did not discuss what was really going on in my life then. I did not think anyone would care or want to know at the time. I spent most of my time alone and liked it that way. When I was not at work I was at home on my couch.
Around mid April my mother brought my dog down to me to stay. Chocolate lab that was my baby. He kept what little spirits I had up and kept me better company... I started to pick my ass up..
June Things in my life started lookig better. I was working a normal daytime shift with my regular job and my weekend job was getting a little bit more fun.
July to be honest I do not remember much of this month at all.. I cannot even think what I did on the 4th.. Which to me is one of my favorite holidays because I get to shoot off fireworks.. Ahh yes now I remember.. Horrid roomate troubles.. eck.. no wonder why I did not try to remember this month..
August
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