Privacy is a good thing

Soo from a hardbound journal to here.. people eyes reading... hummm. ohh well if you did not know the truth by now you soon will... Brief rundown of me.. 23 employed.. ok that is it.. thats me.. simple enough for ya? I will just start in on today.. Woke up to a beautiful face in my bed.. hmmmmmmmmmmm emphasis on hmmmmm.. love the feeling of having someone next to you... skin on skin..hmmmmmmmmm chills.. anyways.. (I have yet come to a conclusion on how personal I want to get with this, we will soon find out since no one has my name, or at least I think that...) sometimtes it is soo hard to do what NEEDS to be done... what you know you must complete but you procrastinate, over and over mulling it around in your head.. you know it will eventually get done but you just wait.. so I wait on what needs to get done.. How can you tell if someone is attracted to you?I am stupid.. unless someone bluntly puts it before me I would never know.... but if I pour out my affections onto someone I would think that they knew that there was something there.. they would have to know.. past my work and game face.. if you get to know me and the real me you would see what type of person I am really.. but that is for another time another crowd.. Predicamentwhat say you do if there is something you wanna say but cannot say it? but do not know how to say it? do you think about it or forget about it... ohh well I do not know what to do.. Loneliness.. It has been such a long time since someone has been there that does not make me feel lonely.. They have this ability to make me feel like there is someone there.. something there.. Something I never thought I could find again.. I was ready to settle for never looking anymore, to let myself be.... alone... I have dealt with alot of personal trials and tribulations in my life but none as bad as this.. My ultimate fear in life is to travel this road of life alone.. without someone to have and to hold.. I have only let one person get close enough to me that they know my inner secrets.. the ones we tuck away.. you know.. I found myself comparing people to this person.. for the longest time.. years.. but now there is something inside of me that has let go... realized that comparing one person to another is not right.. Actually the thought has not even crossed my mind until I brought it up now.. soo if you are still reading this congratulations.. cause I never spell check.. I believe in writing in true form from the hip.. it has more power and soul bearing that way.. ANYWAYS back to topic at hand.. I have yet to compare person to person.. strange? odd?, no maybe good.... I am a pushy person when it comes to matters of the heart.. sometimes I worry if that is good.. but coming from my upbringing it is.. yummy wheat thins.. anyways.. I miss this person.. not camparison.. but hmmm we will call her baby blue... YOUR my girl blue!! I have been introduced to more of lifes choices with her than I would have ever guessed... Brave new world out there.. Sometimes I do think men (and women) are islands in themselves and that the water between us is our emotions and our language.. sometimes there are rough waters, hurricanes and storms, but then there is the ever present sunset on the beach.. eww philos!.. Why can't I read peoples minds.. or at least what they are trying to tell me.. or not!I just wish that sometimes people would say what the want.. who they want what they want and when..FOR INSTANCEI go out to eat.. Unless the place is NEW TO ME I have a general idea why I want to eat there.. It does not take my long, but othere people who cannot make a descion on a meal... something that we eat plenty of.. should be SHOT! J/K... I just wish people could be a little more clear on what they want when and how~!~!~! but not everyone has a clearcut idea like I try to have.. Love.. words that have not come out of my mouth with meaning in a long time.. what justifies it? what makes you know it.. my little take on it..Love is not something you feel totally.. I mean weak knews.. racey pulse yeah you could feel it, but love is like a belief to me.. If you believe it then you will be in love.. but this belief has ALOT of attachments, what if's, and clauses.. but of course.. Love is unconditional also.. not matter what you would love the thing through thick and thin.. even though you true love speaks no english and cannot communicate back to you and sometimes is not even the same species.. love is something you believe.. LovING A PERSON.. WOAH.. I could not even finish that in one night of writing.. If there was one thing you could change in your life...part of me wants to say not even be here in life.. other part says would not change a second of it.. My life has made me who I am and what I am... I wish more people knew who I really was.... I give up trying..Let things come to me.. forcing things will not work... trying soo hard to make things happen will only push away.. ride the coaster and sink in the seat for the ride.. be at the end for the fastest ride, but always have someone in front of you, or be at the front, slowly leading the pack.. been there done that.. So if your reading this and wondering if I am talking about you.. I am.. wondering if you can relate to any of this.. you can.. we as humans are all the same... the only thing different is the choices we make.. that is what makes us individuals.. human.. not perfect.. BB I realy care alot about you but I am scared.. talk to me.. encourage me.. for I never thought I could find someone that is as good to me as I try to be to them.. Like alot of people I am insecure about things.. how my emotions are perceived is one of them... Wow to much writing not enough sleeping.. Fri- work work.. who knows what then.. Sat-work- be responsible personI am getting old.. when is my life going to begin...