I thought I had problems..

This story seems a little off.. A little over the top.. but.. sadly I believe it..
I found it on Criagslist.org my new favorite place to read crap and laugh...
I actually posted something in the Missed Connections part in Atlanta..
Was nothing really..

I am going to Nashville in a few hours.. I cannot wait.. It is Halloween and my favorite time of year..
I am also going to find out about some jobs..
After finding out the infomration I did yesterday I am VERY JADED and just plainly pissed off about things..
I should not be pissed at all because I am pulling in a grand or more a week... But I am because I could be pulling in more.. Yes that is GREED.. I should just appreciate what I have and go on.. But I do not feel appreciated.. I feel used currently..
I could have a life.. I could have the things I want..
BUT..

ANYWAYS here is the story some poor smuck told..
I feel for him.. I know how he feels of just wanting better for someone he loved..
But we all never get what we want.

Date: 2005-10-20, 1:00PM CDT


Most people rant about bad drivers, people who have wronged them, or other such day-to-day problems. I have a much deeper problem, and feel the need to openly, anonymously confess it. Here's a warning -- if you're not into drama, don't bother continuing to read.

I've changed some of the names of places and people to protect everyone's identity, but generally this is how it goes.

I'm a male. I was a junior in college in a southern state (not TN), and I was 21 years old. It's a very difficult university, and I had difficult double majors, so I spent most of my free time studying. When I wasn't doing that, I was working or getting stoned. I had only had a couple of serious relationships earlier, but nothing earth-moving. And, certainly, no one I wanted to marry.

I met a girl at a party who lived about 45 minutes away from where I lived. She was in highschool -- 16 at the time, and in 11th grade. I've heard conflicting reports on this, but ageofconsent.com says what I did was legal for the state in which I was living. She says it may have been statutory rape. Whatever. In any case, we started talking on the phone.

It quickly became your typical, overly-passionate, immature relationship... even though it was mostly by phone. She was going to high school, and I was really busy, so we just decided to see where it went by getting to know each other this way.

For our first true date, weeks later, I took her to a beautiful park near where I lived. I had prepared a picnic, poetry, and a stuffed animal that somehow related to our telephone conversations (don't ask me what it was or how it related... but it made sense at the time). We held hands, talked for hours, and walked all around the park. I took her home that afternoon, and we kissed goodbye.

The relationship got serious very quickly. We fell in love, but were clearly not ready for it. We also got sexual very quickly... another mistake. She dropped out of highschool without me knowing about it, and told me weeks later that she did so as to be able to always be around when I was off from class or work (as I regularly was during odd hours of the day). I was upset, but at the same time flattered that this girl who I loved so much would do such a thing for me. I convinced her to re-enroll in a private school, and she soon moved in with me to my apartment.

Things were not perfect. She depended on me to replace 100% of her friends, family, and social interactions she had while she lived at home. She's now 17, and I'm still 21. She stays at home all day while I am out working and going to class, and when I come home it's like everything is ok again. But I know the truth -- that she is miserable and wants me to just be with her every hour of every day. I want the same thing, but would never quit my job or school.

Things progress, and we start to deal with problems. I am about to graduate college now, and I have accepted a job about an hour north of my current apartment. She tells me she wants to move with me, even though that's another hour in the opposite direction of where she grew up. I graduate, we move, and we agree that any problems we once had would be solved when we got out of our surroundings, into a larger apartment.

I was used to living the poor college life, and now all of a sudden I was making $80k/year. We were going on trips we had never dreamed of, buying plasma TVs and new cars, and filling the voids in our lives with... stuff. She is unhappy because she is away from her family and her friends, and I am unhappy because I felt as though she should try to make new friends and visit her family when she could.

She wakes up one day and tells me she's bisexual and wants to experience sex with another girl, with me as well. We meet a girl in a resort town near where we lived one weekend during a town celebration. She is a few sizes smaller than my girlfriend (neither were fat -- just, the other girl had a smaller bone structure) and bigger boobs. My girlfriend wants to go for it. They get naked, I get naked, and all I could do was give oral sex. I sit on the floor and watch in devastation as my girlfriend has sex with someone else. I think that she is going to leave me to become a lesbian, or some stupid shit like that, and when it's all over I freak out on her during the ride home. She tells me she thought it was every guy's fantasy and why wasn't I enjoying it... I come to my senses and just go with the flow.

She now constantly thinks I am cheating on her with a girl who works in my office. I am gone for long hours and away on business trips, and while I'm being faithful, she just doesn't believe me. She sits and home and cries, and falls into a deep depression. I become not-the-best-boyfriend in the world, although I do make attempts to make her happy.

She decides she wants some time off, and goes to visit her father about 2 hours from where we live. She is going to live there for a while, straighten out her life, and then give me a call one day. I freak out, pretty much stay outside her house, and try to see her as often as possible. Eventually she comes back to live with me, but she goes out for drives and stays out for days at a time.

New Years' is coming, and we are barely talking. She lives out of her car, and I don't know where she is or if she's alright. She comes back to me in early January, and tells me she has had four relationships with guys, and two relationships with girls. She is sorry but wants me back.

I take her back, reluctantly, but I never treat her the same. I am always skeptical of her, I have panic attacks, I am overly jealous in a bad way, and the trust is just not there. Slowly things begin to return to normal, although she tells me I am treating her the same. She is trying very hard, as am I, to make it work.

I propose to her. I rented out a movie theater, spent every dime I had on an engagement ring, and rented the movie Ever After with Drew Barrymore to play in the theater. I propose to her and she says yes.

Summer comes. I get a new job in Chattanooga, and I am making preparations to move. All of a sudden -- I snap. I stop talking to her, I stop wanting to be with her, and I am mean to her. I kick her out of the apartment, move to Chattanooga, and want nothing more to do with her.

Why? I honestly wish I knew. It's like it JUST hit me, 6 months later, that she cheated on me. Some of them were our friends. These were people I knew and trusted. I freaked out. I didn't sleep, I barely ate, and I wanted her out of my life. I am very open with her and tell her all of that, and I tell I want to date other people.

She tries in the sweetest and most sincere ways to get me back. She makes constant trips to Chattanooga and sneaks into my apartment to lay beside me. She kisses me awake in the mornings. She is loving, and caring, and sweet. But I don't see it at the time. I am angry, and I felt betrayed and cheated.

So I started dating someone. A girl from Nashville. She is a slut who I really can't stand, but she fills the emptiness in my life. She ends up being an ok person -- a little sweet, a litle understanding. I eventually break up with her, come to my senses, and start trying to get my old gf back.

But not before the new girl calls up my old gf and is truly, deeply, hurtful to her. She shares our sex life, how she met my friends, and the nice things I do for her.

I didn't know it, but at that time my old gf was pregnant with my child.

The new girl leaves the picture. Old gf tells me about the abortion, and how she lied to me when she told me she had cheated on me. She has a nervous breakdown, and tells me she just wanted more attention. That she made out with a few guys, but no sex. And it wasn't even the guys she told me it had been with.

I start smoking.

She comes back to Chattanooga and tries to work things out, but it just isn't happening. She is too upset -- rightfully so.

So she goes and dates another guy. She tells me today that she's pregnant again, now with his child. She doesn't know what to do and she wants to kill herself. She won't tell me where she is living, and her family wants nothing to do with her. I contact as many family members and old friends as I know, but none of them know anything. They all hate her for having an abortion when she was last pregnant. The time she was pregnant by me.

I begged her on the phone to let me take care of her. To let me hold her. To let me love her again. I begged her to be with me. She told me she wants to, but that she can't face me. She is in a horrible state. Sick. Poor. Alone.

I drive around the areas I think she is living late at night, looking for her. I try to be there for her but she won't let me into her life. I don't even know if I want to marry her anymore -- I don't know if I love her the way a boyfriend loves a girlfriend, or the way a man loves a woman. Maybe I love her as my closest friend. I don't know. I just want her to be ok. I want her life to be alright, and I don't want her to feel pain anymore. She doesn't deserve this.

She tells me it's my fault. I tell her it's both our faults. But neither is correct. I don't know what went wrong, or why life was unfair. I feel guilty because I have a stable job, a place to live, medicine, and I'm generally ok. I got a puppy, I mountain bike very chance I get, and I am even making friends in TN. But I would give it all up to make her happy for just one day.

I don't know if I want to be with her, only because I think when I am with her we are so much in love that we are unable to do anything else with our lives. But at the same time, my heart tells me to quit my job and spend every day and night searching for her. Just so I can see her again, smell her hair, and hold her. I would give anything in this world to hold her one more time while she falls asleep. But I guess none of that matters now.

My friends and family tell me it should be a learning experience for me. But I don't know what I've learned. Just that life is unfair, having money makes life easier, and cops treat poor people differently from rich people.

That's it. Thanks for reading.