Sitting on the tuckus again...

This was a email pot that I never finished.. not like it matters now but I will go ahead and throw it up here.


December 28...2004

The day that ultimately changed my life forever. I will always remember this date as another Septemeber 11th.. I will never celebrate this day but instead just hate it.. On this day last year I was sent to the hospital to start the long and tiring journey to find out what the hell was wrong with my body. This is a very personal day for me and this year it has brought me great sorrow..
I stayed at home since Tuesday morning. I have not left the house nor talked to anyone on the phone until tonight. That is when I finally picked up the phone and listened to my voicemails. The many people worried about me.. I mean sometimes it feels good to have people worry about you but on the other hand you just want to be left alone on certain days. Yesterday was one of those days. My boss sent over a co-worker SS after me not showing up at work. I have never done this one.. I do not remmeber even thinking it was time to go to work when my alarm went off. I just woke up took some advil an went right back to sleep. I knew I had a fever I was having nights sweats.. I was not feeling good at all.. So I stayed on the couch for 20 something straight hours. I would get up every 8 hours or so and get something to drink but for the most part I stayed right where I could drift back to sleep. I had a lot of dreams... The ones that I could remember anyways...
But it brings me to this.. A year in review...
January 1st of last year.. Spent it in the arms a someone I would have given the world to...
I watched the peach drop that night after getting out of the hospital.. She drove down to spend the evening in the hospital with me so I would not be alone. Instead.. I picked her up and we went to watch the peach drop..
March we ended our relationship. She was enrolled in school by now and my health was getting worse. I had leveled off a little but was still a skinny little punk.
April I hit rock bottom.. There could have been nothing lower than where I was at. I had been going to the hospital on a regualr basis for tests on my intestinal system and working like mad to try and keep my mind off things. I never got off the couch on my days off and I did not want to do anything besides watch television. I was not alone in my apartment I had a roomate that BB had invited down to try and "get better"... Utterly I was alone in my life... I think this is the time when my doctors had prescribed me with the first of my insulin. I can tell you this I am scared to think at how depressed I was then. No one knew about my depression until months later. I kept things pretty quite about how I was really feeling. I did not discuss what was really going on in my life then. I did not think anyone would care or want to know at the time. I spent most of my time alone and liked it that way. When I was not at work I was at home on my couch.
Around mid April my mother brought my dog down to me to stay. Chocolate lab that was my baby. He kept what little spirits I had up and kept me better company... I started to pick my ass up..

June Things in my life started lookig better. I was working a normal daytime shift with my regular job and my weekend job was getting a little bit more fun.

July to be honest I do not remember much of this month at all.. I cannot even think what I did on the 4th.. Which to me is one of my favorite holidays because I get to shoot off fireworks.. Ahh yes now I remember.. Horrid roomate troubles.. eck.. no wonder why I did not try to remember this month..

August