Crap

Today was a very shitty day.. literally.. I will be in the hospital tomorrow for the procedure and I have not been able to eat anything all day today except sugar Free jello.. When it was cold for the 10 mins we had it. I picked up the photos I wanted printed from the store and they lost half of my order. So I will spend the better part of my day on the couch tracking down my online orders.

I wanted to look at a new couch to try and make more seating in the house. My mother and I drove all the way to Northpoint mall to the nearest Haverty's and shopped around there. Come out from haverty's and her car will not start. Lovely. So we walk over to MARTA and take that back all the way from the north side of town. Get in my car and brave the game traffic. We drive up there I install a new car battery then it is off to Auto zone to be tested. We took it over to Auto zone and had the alternator tested... Mr. Mechanic fixed it right. All it needed was a battery. I am glad about that but now my whole day of laying on the couch trying not to be active has been blown. I am extremely weak from everything and now I am having to constantly go to the bathroom.

I wish I could calm down and just relax but with everything that has been going on lately I just cannot. I cannot get things or thoughts out of my head. I cannot get images and emotions out to anyone. It really just sucks.

I have to start learning how to live my life over again without K. I just cannot get that out of my head. I cannot imagine nor did I ever think I would have to imagine this. Life without her. I have gone through this before but I saw it coming tat time. I knew what was around the bend. This time. It was just there. It is so hard to do. I do not want it to happen but, it is what she wants. She does not want or need me anymore in her life. I must keep telling myself that. I have to get used to all this. She is gone.