Musings

Everywhere I turn I never realized how much you where there. I know now. I am thankful and grateful that you where there. I hope you are not hurting like I am, and that you are happy with whoever or whatever you are doing. I truly miss what I had. I feel like I have lost a lot without you. I keep finding myself reading the email over and over..

"I realized that you are not the guy for me; and I am sure that you will find the perfect girl for you. We are just not the right fit."

I have nothing else to do but write here. I really hate myself right now and what happened. I think I am harder on myself than anything. It is all my fault for not realizing what was going on. I did not realize the full extent of it all.


We all have had to make choices based off of what we want in life. People can give advice and try to help you but ultimately you have to make the choice and live with the after effects.

I will have to live with these after effects for a while. I am really just taking this hard. I know one thing is that I fucked upped royally and will never get a chance to repair any of the damage. That is something I am going to have to live with the rest of my life. The only thing I can do now is respect her wishes. I hate myself right now.