How is it easy?

How is this easy?
I mean it seems so easy for you to just forget what happened between us.. WHy am I so upset over this? Maybe because I thought I found someone that wanted to spend their life with me? I do not know anymore.. I do no tknow who I am what I want now.. I am soo fucked up and so stressed about my life.. I just want normalacy.. I just want someone to love me unconditionally. I just want someone who cares.. I have faced this situation before.. I hate being like this and I hate being alone. It is even harder now that she is right here under my nose. Right here within driving distance and I cannot even see her. It is even harder because I feel like I have not only failed myself but failed her in her life. I feel like such a loser. I do not know why. I wish I could just let things go and move on about my life. I just feel so empty without her around. I wish I could block all these painful memories out. I wish that I could just cut off contact with her. But there is something inside me that will not let go..
My love for her is just still so strong.. I cannot stop it or turn it off like I should be able to. I am so attracted to her still.. What is it that makes me so attracted to this person? What is it that I cannot deny my love?
I am soo fucked up in my head guess that I cannot get a clue as to what I should do and not do.. I guess that I will go through life being a dumbass..
I hate myself soo much right now because I feel like am nothign but a failure..
I guess that is what I need..
Forget about me and forget about my needs..