Funny stuff.. Sad stuff

I have found some of the best things to kill my time with....
This guy who Dances to a different song everyday... besides the weekends..
He has no shame.. I went through his archives and have been cracking up all morning long..
I have been browsing through a ton of blogs on here lately.. I am finding that us as a human race regardless of age, sex, social standing and what not all have about the same thing going on... Each in different stages of our lives..
Ohh well..
It still makes me feel alone...
I really hate being a failure.. I should have tried harder in the relationship.. Maybe there was something I could have done better or something that I could have done differently.. I guess I will never know..
Maybe I should start dancing like that dude..

You know it is Tuesday right?
I was walking around the office yesterday around five o'clock and I was wondering where one of our drivers had been all day long. In the tracking software I use I did not see him there and I just thought he had a vacation day or something. So when the drivers started coming in from delivering I asked one of them where RA was. Locks looked up from his paperwork and said "RA is dead." simple and plain as day. I turned and said "No, way" I stood there saying.
RA was a temporary driver for our company that we where trying to hire to become a Mohawk employee. This guy was great. I would talk to him everyday and help him out all the time.
I had been working all day and no one had even told me about anything that happened. There was no big sorrowful loss in the office or card to sign for his family or donation to take up for flowers for his funeral. I have been deeply upset about this really. I mean I interact with these guys everyday. They might be across the Southeast region but EVERYDAY I talk to all the 61 drivers at least once to see how things are going.

RA was playing basketball this weekend and he came in because he could not catch his breath. He sat down in front of the air conditiong and never moved. His family left the room and when they came back some time later to see if he was ready to eat he would not move. RA had a massive heart attack that killed him. Right there in front of the AC. Like that he left our world.

You know I really do care about these drivers. I am a caring person in general. I mean on my vacation I pulled over to pull a woman out of the ditch with my rental 4x4..

I truely believe that you should be nice to strangers and everyone you come in contact with. Help each other out because one day your going to need help. Now have I been a perfect model citizen? HELL NO. But still every chance I get I help people. I cannot even begin to think how many times I have helped people change tires on cars, given them rides to get gas, just random acts of kindness.

I have recanted this story once before to a friend but it stays fresh in my mind like it happened this year.

It was Christmas time 1999. I had just graduated from High School not to long ago. My mother had taken my truck away from me and I went out and bought my FIRST car. IT was a POS. But I was happy about it because it was a car and I had the freedom my mother had taken away from me. I had been working my ass off at Brooks Brothers to make some college money and pay for the car. I was driving to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, a tradition I had started back in High School my sophmore year I think.
Anyways, no one in my family would ever go to Midnight mass with me so I was all alone. This car had pulled off the side of the road because it had ran out of gas.
If you know me I like to cut it close on getting places so I was reluctant to stop. Not only becase of the time but I was scared that I would not have a seat waiting for me at the Church. So I drove right past the car. I got five hundred feet away and turned around. I went back and asked the lady if she was ok.

BTW this car also did not have a passenger side window due to the fact some vandal downtown threw a 30 lbs rock through the window stealing a few things.

She told me her plight and I was obliged to take her to the nearest OPEN gas station. I found a gallon jug of water at the station and we filled it up with gas and I drove her back to her car. 20 something degree weather driving down theroad at 45 was not fun. So on her way her and I go.

I get to church around 11:30 smelling a little like gasoline and worried about getting a seat. To my belief when I walked in it was already standing room only. But I felt good about what I had just did soo it kind of balanced out.

About thirty seconds into my disapointment one of my friends mothers flagged me down. There was a seat right next to her, one of the only one in the church left. It was like it was saved for me. I mean that is what I believe happened. But of course there is speculation about that. I mean I am not a STRONG christian.. I have never claimed to be... But I do have some morals and and live in a christian state of mind. There are somethings that I will never do like get a divorce, kill someone, commit adultory, or father any bastard children.

In a relationship I will try my hardest and best to make things work. Because if I can make thigns work in a relationship then I can hopefully make things work in a marriage. I have tried hard to stick things through thick and thin in relationships. Trying my best to do whatever it takes to get over the hills, through the valley's and remember the views from the top.

But that is just some of the stories of why I think of myself as such a caring person. I believe most of the time that I am a good person, but like everyone else we all have out doubts from time to time. We all have the thoughts of why should I try to go on and is it really worth it.. We all know those thoughts but we RARELY ever talk about them. That is pretty mucha taboo topic.

So with that I bid farewell to RA. I know that he is someplace with the smile on his face that he always had when he was here with us. He will be missed. I know from all the customers he serviced he was well liked and appreciated. I know I appreciate the short time I have known him.

Thanks for the smiles RA.

What scares me the most is will I have the same ending? Will I just be some blip on the radar that falls of in a few seconds? I hope that somehow I have made an impact on someone's life. I hope that somehow someone needed my help and I was there for them. Me being unaware of what I was actually doing for them. I have always wanted to help people I also just hope I never become a bitter old man.....