I just want to give up..

Are there times in your life where you just want to give up on everything and live on the street? I figure if I lived on the street I would only have to worry about a few things. Eating, sleeping, and shelter. I could roam the streets aimlessly and not really give a fuck about anything anymore..
I mean that seems reasonable.
I just wnat a simple life that is all..
I am so hard on myself it is not even funny anymore. I find it harder and harder to be happy. I am sleepy and grumpy all the time. I am rarely in the good moods i used to be in all the time. I do not have the energy to accomplish the things I need to.
Ahh well I just need to start motivating myself again. I think I need to find someone down here to talk to professionally. I mean I am thankful for things but I just do not appreciate what I have I guess. I need to volunteer or something to give my interest back into the whole living thing. I just plainly do not feel like living and going through life anymore. Everywhere I turn I seem to see pain and the hurt that this world has. The hatered and the just plain mean ways.
I know lately I have been down and I have been notating it in this journal but I cannot help it. These things have been heavy on my mind and I am sure that no one but myself would listne to it anyways. I mean people would probaly think I am crazy.
Why do you still lament over someone who basically wants no interest or friendship in you.
Why do you still care what happens to this person after all the things they have put you through?
Why are you so upset about what you have in your life right now.

I mean I think it is a combination of a few things.
Like the life changing events that have taken place with my health..
My family has all moved into new houses and I am still in a rinky dink apartment.
The people I know here where I live now are shady and I cannot find an honest person to save my life. I mean it is not like you need to lie about stupid shit. If you say your going to do something please do it. The older I get I hope it does not mena it si going get more and more bitter.. That is not what I want.

I want something to look forward to someone to give me a reason to come home instead of staying at work constantly fdoing more than I should.
I want just plain to be happy.
But I guess the thing is that I need to be happy with myself before I can share and give happiness to anyone else. That right now is not what I can do.
I cannot trust anyone. I do not believe a word anyone says anymore. In my life the people that I have trusted outside of my family even some of them have really let me down. They have destroyed my ability to not think of anyhting but someone lying to me. I do not beilieve what comes out of peoples mouth. I need proof. I told my boss the other day to prove it. I did not believe what he said so I asked for proof. AM I some naieve freak? I used to take everything someone said for what it was worth and I gambled that is was the truth. I stuck up for them all the time. My mother is the instance... So who knows.. I just wanna give up sometimes..