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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Put Down by Unknown at 6/30/2005 09:31:00 PM

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:13 PM

    Okay so I know you did not post things on here for people to comment. I know this because I read your response to someone else that commented to one of your entries. However, I wanted to share some information with you. And yes since I am posting this I had to set up and account with an address which I will share with you later.

    You were right earlier. Something was wrong. Nothing that hasn't been wrong for a while. It's just that it was pointed out to me. It's 9:15 on a Saturday night. I'm 25 years old and what am I doing? I'm sitting here typing a "blog" to you. Adam called earlier and was driving to H'ville to visit "the boys" he said they may be going to a movie. I made the comment that it was too nice outside to be going to a movie. He asked what I would be doing since it was so nice out. Then followed that with "sit at home". Of course that's what I would be doing. I have no friends. All the friends I did have either gone their seperate ways or have moved(no offense). I continuously sit at home weekened after weekend alone and do nothing. I feel like I have made some very unwise decisions in life by rushing things. I hated high school. I made no friends there because I was better than that. I rushed myself and made myself to be this perfect person when the only thing I really did was wait later in life to make the same mistakes of the people I insulted and made fun of in high school. Then I didn't go to college. Yet another mile stone in my life that I decided to bypass. More mistakes that I should have been making then that I am making now. There again didn't develop friendships with people I met in college because I never really went. Always thought it stupid to be part of a soriety because I don't want to pay people to be my friend...and I don't at the same time there are many people that have made life long friends there. I have come to the conclusion, and I'm not too proud to confess it, in most all circumstances I have critized these people for one reason...I'm jealous and unhappy.

    I have taken so many avenues to try to be happy.

    I was very dedicated, faithful, and devoted Christian. Now, I go hoping that if I die God will take mercy on me for not living the life I should.

    I used to believe sex in any variation was sacred and to be shared with my spouse and my spouse alone. Then I gave my virginity to a guy I met once. And I fool around like it's a game. Begging for that crumb of food that is thrown at me and I can life off of that makes me feel wanted, needed, loved, touched, excited, pretty, and desired.

    I am in a constant state of being alone. I believe it is a seperation of a lot of people. Seperation from my true self, seperation from friends I once had, and most importantly seperation from God. I'm tired of being single. I am tired of never being good enough. I am tired of listening to all my "guy friends" talk about how hot other girls are or worse how hot other guys are. For once I want someone that wants to go out and enjoy being with me. Not just being with me physically because we are in the same location but me with me on all levels and not have a desire to look for something else.

    My life has not turned out at all the way I had planned. I'm in the process of hopefully turning that around. Starting with doing what it takes to make me happy with me. Wondering if what I desire to make me happy with me result in what my thoughts have been all along.

    Well I am sure there are plenty of other thoughts that I could put on here. This is what's been running through my mind tonight.

    So you've told me I should set up an account on here...now I have.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10:20 PM

    Okay so I know you did not post things on here for people to comment. I know this because I read your response to someone else that commented to one of your entries. However, I wanted to share some information with you. And yes since I am posting this I had to set up and account with an address which I will share with you later.

    You were right earlier. Something was wrong. Nothing that hasn't been wrong for a while. It's just that it was pointed out to me. It's 9:15 on a Saturday night. I'm 25 years old and what am I doing? I'm sitting here typing a "blog" to you. Adam called earlier and was driving to H'ville to visit "the boys" he said they may be going to a movie. I made the comment that it was too nice outside to be going to a movie. He asked what I would be doing since it was so nice out. Then followed that with "sit at home". Of course that's what I would be doing. I have no friends. All the friends I did have either gone their seperate ways or have moved(no offense). I continuously sit at home weekened after weekend alone and do nothing. I feel like I have made some very unwise decisions in life by rushing things. I hated high school. I made no friends there because I was better than that. I rushed myself and made myself to be this perfect person when the only thing I really did was wait later in life to make the same mistakes of the people I insulted and made fun of in high school. Then I didn't go to college. Yet another mile stone in my life that I decided to bypass. More mistakes that I should have been making then that I am making now. There again didn't develop friendships with people I met in college because I never really went. Always thought it stupid to be part of a soriety because I don't want to pay people to be my friend...and I don't at the same time there are many people that have made life long friends there. I have come to the conclusion, and I'm not too proud to confess it, in most all circumstances I have critized these people for one reason...I'm jealous and unhappy.

    I have taken so many avenues to try to be happy.

    I was very dedicated, faithful, and devoted Christian. Now, I go hoping that if I die God will take mercy on me for not living the life I should.

    I used to believe sex in any variation was sacred and to be shared with my spouse and my spouse alone. Then I gave my virginity to a guy I met once. And I fool around like it's a game. Begging for that crumb of food that is thrown at me and I can life off of that makes me feel wanted, needed, loved, touched, excited, pretty, and desired.

    I am in a constant state of being alone. I believe it is a seperation of a lot of people. Seperation from my true self, seperation from friends I once had, and most importantly seperation from God. I'm tired of being single. I am tired of never being good enough. I am tired of listening to all my "guy friends" talk about how hot other girls are or worse how hot other guys are. For once I want someone that wants to go out and enjoy being with me. Not just being with me physically because we are in the same location but me with me on all levels and not have a desire to look for something else.

    My life has not turned out at all the way I had planned. I'm in the process of hopefully turning that around. Starting with doing what it takes to make me happy with me. Wondering if what I desire to make me happy with me result in what my thoughts have been all along.

    Well I am sure there are plenty of other thoughts that I could put on here. This is what's been running through my mind tonight.

    So you've told me I should set up an account on here...now I have

    ReplyDelete

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